First Book for 2013

After much debate, I decided on a book that I have started and not been able to finish, but really feel is valuable to me. I would love for you to join me! The book is available many places, here is a link for Amazon.

"The Right to Write" by Julia Cameron

Please don't be intimidated by the number of chapters or the suggested writing. My reason for working through this book is to encourage myself to put my thoughts and feelings and ideas on paper. I don't have to be a good writer to write. I don't have to have something globally important to say to write. I just need to make time to do it.

I have divided the book into eleven sections, starting January 15th and completing it March 26th. I will be reading four "chapters" each week and choosing at least one of the writing assignments. If I have time, I will do all four assignments. Just read and write what you can!

Week One:  Introduction, Begin, Let Yourself Write, Let Yourself Listen

For those of you who have completed Phase I of the Ultimate Journey through Christ-Life, think of this as ally letter practice!

For those of  you who are unable to purchase the book, I will be posting one of the writing assignments each week, as well. Feel free to follow along and just do the assignments I post.

Part Three

Final week of "The Four Seasons of Marriage" by Gary Chapman.

We did it! A second book read this year. What did you think of it? Favorite thought? Anything you disagreed with? Have you tried one of the strategies? Shared any of this with your spouse?

With the holiday, I tried to keep the reading light for this week, so we just had a couple pages summing up the book. I also read through the question/answer section. I appreciated the clarification that the strategies work together, not in sequence (pg 179-180). I can focus on one at a time, but all seven work together to strengthen a relationship. It also caught my attention, when he shared the reality that if both spouses see the relationship in different seasons, one of them is not seeing the truth (pg 176-177). I can see the relationship as all sunshine and roses, but if my spouse is feeling a frost, then I need to face the reality that things may not be as good as I think they are.

This book as ignited some discussions with my husband and has brought understanding to a relationship I have been powerless to help. How 'bout you?

Strategies Six & Seven

Hello! We are on week five reading Gary Chapman's "The Four Seasons of Marriage."

We are almost done with this book, but I feel I could re-read it again! I love the tools, suggestions and concepts that I can apply, not just to my marriage, but also to other important relationships. I have found empathetic listening to be especially helpful with my kiddos and minimizing differences to cast a different light on interactions with my mother-in-law.

I also appreciate the strategy dedicated to the relationships or at least times in a relationship when the other person isn't interested in improving the relationship. We are both unique individuals who are always changing and moving and feeling, but we are definitely not always on the same page. Knowing that I can do something to improve my outlook and the atmosphere of our home is power I didn't always recognize.

How about you? How has this information impacted you? Have you implemented any of the strategies?

Next weeks post will also be on Wednesday, due to Christmas. I will be wrapping up this book with Phase III.

Posting about the next book for the new year later this week!

Strategies Four & Five

Good afternoon! This is week four reading "The Four Seasons of Marriage" by Gary Chapman.

I have personally experienced the power of empathetic listening. It can take a very tense interaction and bring two parties to a point of respect. I also find this strategy to be one of the hardest for me. The keys listed in this chapter are a simple reminder of this technique. So are you a "Dead Sea" or a "Babbling Brook"? I am most definitely a "Babbling Brook" and my husband would probably agree, if I let him get a word in. :)

Strategy five, however, is my personal favorite. "You can't help a man uphill without getting closer to the top yourself." (pg 119) Gary Chapman talked about the concept of a "love tank" (pg 96) and I think it carries over here. When I am feeling loved, accepted and encouraged, I am more creative, resilient and therefore more successful. When I speak my husband's love language, take time to listen and encourage him, I help him to succeed, too!

I am very interested in your take on this material. What do you think of Dr Chapman's work? Have you tried any of these strategies? Can you identify one that you want to work on?

Strategy Two & Three

Good afternoon! This is week three reading "The Four Seasons of Marriage" by Gary Chapman.

The strategies this week focus on nurturing thoughts and attitudes that lead to stronger relationships. It brought to mind a favorite quote from another book I have read recently, "What you think about all day long, and the way you think about it, determines who you will eventually become."* My brain only listens to me, so if I am telling myself that my husband is the problem, that he can't do anything right, that he is letting me down, failing me, not loving towards me, too busy for me, (fill in the blank with your own thoughts)...and I think this way all day, I have set him up to fail me. I am now looking for and expecting him to do these things (or not do them, as the case may be). I will take even the most loving gesture from him as a let down and as I put him down, I am encouraging him to stop trying.

Wow, what a quick, downward spiral from just a few negative thoughts. I would love to say that I never do this...but that is simply untrue. I do allow negative thoughts to take me down to a place where nothing my husband does is good enough. Now I'm not saying he is perfect, but he deserves my love and affection whether I am feeling love and affection from him today or not. I can tell you that when I seek to affirm him and fill his love tank by speaking his love language, I see more of his actions as loving. What I think about all day long really does effect how I see things and receive love.

There was so much packed into these few pages, I think I need to re-read them. But what stuck out to you? Do you see hope in these ideas for your relationship? Do you know you love language? Or your spouse's?

If you have not read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend it. I have also read his children's version, which contains the same basics but focused more for little ones who may not have a primary love language yet or are unable to express what they need.

* The Ultimate Journey, Phase III - Embracing Self-Surrender by Christ-Life Ministries