go lower

Good morning! Welcome to week nine, chapter nine of Journey Reading:  Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts."

"Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control...

let go of my own way, let go of my own fears.

Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire.

Leave the hand open and be." (pg 178)

It is intriguing to me how Ann uses these moments in her life to share these concepts, truths. I am pondering her distinction between lament and complaint and how my prayers are effected by both.

I enjoyed the reminder that thanksgiving and rejoicing are not passive emotions, they are actions, a choice. I also appreciated the mental image of theories and theology as needing to be birthed into "skin, breathe in the polluted air of this world, and make it happen." All the best theology won't do my any good if I don't put it to work, act on it, test it.

giggles over cookie baking
safety for loved ones
healing 

"He must increase and I must decrease--not because that is burden

but so that my joy might increase with more of Him!" (pg 178)

How was this chapter for you? What stuck out to you?

What do you think of lament vs. complaint?

How about decreasing so He can increase?

Or letting His light in and exposing our scars?

"I pray. I let go. Lay the hand open. The sun slides across old hairline scars.

My palm holds light." (pg 181)

how will he not also?

Week eight, chapter eight of Journey Reading:  Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts."

 "This is the trust I lack:  

to know that if disaster strikes, He carries me even there." (pg 148)

"Fear thinks God is finite and fear believes that there is not going to be enough and hasn't counting one thousand gifts, endlessly counting gifts, exposed the lie at the heart of all fear?" 

(pg 161)

This chapter seemed long to me, but I love the point...trauma's storm masking Christ, feelings that lie, perspective that isn't mine...yet, I'm a wanderer crossing bridges, wanderer eating manna...eating mystery. God (the all-powerful, creator of the universe) has proven Himself worthy of my trust, of my complete faith. I can believe in Him because time and time and time again, He has been there, has been the answer, His bridges have held.

When my wounds are bleeding and I see no grace, no blessing, no reason for thanks, God is still worthy of my trust. Only eternal, infinite eyes can see all and understand how the ugly and hurt and bleeding fit into His plan for ultimate good.

So I will count His blessings and give thanks for what I don't understand, because I want to trust that it all fits into His eternal good.

provision to meet my needs
strength to care for ill little ones
a house that is becoming a home


What did you think of the chapter? Is God trustworthy?

Do you dare cross His bridges? What holds you back or pushes you forward?

What are you thankful for today that you can't see the blessing in yet?

"When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock

and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.

Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back." (Exodus 33:22-23) 

- Lord may I too get a glimpse of You in my today.

seeing through the glass

Week seven, chapter seven of Journey Reading:  Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts."

This chapter reminds me of another book, which talks about the glasses we wear. Am I wearing glasses of love? grace? selfishness? anger? glasses of self? or God? Am I choosing to see things as "raw material" for God's work or as ugly, dark, out of control?

Speaking of control...do I really prefer the drama? Would I give up God's blessings and graces and joy to grasp after a false sense of control? As much as I love control, I'm apparently not very good at it as often as I mess things up. I am learning to let go and let God. But it's not easy!

"Ah, I see. The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life before He can have His own way of blessing with us."*

Something else that stuck out to me, is this quote on parenting: "The parent must always self-parent first, self-preach before child-teach, because who can bring peace unless they've held their own peace?" (pg 124) I have been learning to care for myself so that there is something of me to give to them. But remembering that I cannot expect from them what I have yet to learn is hard some days.

I have been searching for the moments to see the grace when all my human eyes can see is the mess. Longing to release the drama and say my thanks whether it makes sense or not.

the gentle rain on the roof on a lazy Saturday morning
the taste of yummy chicken that hubby bbqed for me
a shower that drains properly
good paying job for hubby, even if the demands aren't always what I'd like


So how about you? What did you take away from this chapter?

What do you see the world/life through?

Is control a challenge for you? How would it feel/does it feel to let go?

Is there something God is breaking down to free you up for Him?

"Learning slowly to not be so reactionary while inserting verbal gratitude into stressful situations is almost like being healed of mental blindness. I have begun to 'see' again." (pg 133)

* (pg 138) - James H. McConkey

what do you want? the place of seeing God

Week six, chapter six of Journey Reading:  Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts."

Congratulations! If you are still reading with me, you are now half way through this book! I am enjoying this journey with you and anticipate more great conversations.

I really appreciated her struggle with seeing, feeling, experiencing God in all His glory while changing diapers, doing laundry, and taking out the trash. I love those moments when God is so real I am sure I can feel Him, convinced that His glory is passing before me. But then I go back to the dishes and the floors and the errands and the bills and...and I feel alone and disappointed with life and God. As Ann says "how do you open the eyes to see how to take the daily, domestic, workday vortex and invert it into the dome of an everyday cathedral?" (pg 121)

snuggles with little ones
moments alone to write
revelation that comes from quiet listening
joy in a finished project

I am excited to 'see' her explore the concept of Jesus being the eye within that allows me to see God's glory everywhere, in all things, at all times. I was a little concerned that she was headed the way of the hammer. As the saying goes:  when you have a hammer, all the worlds a nail. If I am an eye, all of God's glory is visual. I believe I was created with five senses because simply seeing isn't enough to behold all of God. But, if Jesus is the eye within me then His perfection would lead my senses to 'see' God and all His Glory.

So, what do you want? Well, let me rephrase that...what do you want from God? from life?

Do you struggle to remember the captivity He has freed you from? How do you remember what God has done in your life?

What about the 'eye'? Do you want to be the eye?

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek...all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, and to seek him in his temple."

Psalm 27:4

what in the world, in all the world, is grace?

Week five, chapter five of Journey Reading:  Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts."

"...I know all our days are struggle and warfare

and that the spirit-to-spirit combat I endlessly wage with Satan

is this ferocious thrash for joy.

He sneers at all the things that seem to have gone hideously mad

in this sin-drunk world,

and I gasp to say God is good.

The liar defiantly scrawls his graffiti across God's glory,

and I heave to enjoy God...

and Satan strangles, 

and I whiten knuckles to grasp real Truth

and fix that beast to the floor." (pg 90)

This chapter brought me to tears. Her mother's heart is so precious. Her struggle to understand pain and suffering in light of a loving, good God is recognizable. Learning to see life through God's lens, not my human, worldly view, but through the vision of heaven and the lens of a deity, my God. I am still learning to see beyond the pain and hurt and suffering to the potential grace and beauty.

warm rays of sun after a chilly morning
shared tomatoes from a neighbors bounty
unexpected memories of fun with my oldest son

What glasses or lens are you looking through? Do you have more than one?

How do you process the bad of this world? Where does a "good God" fit in your mind?

How is your list of gifts coming along this week?

"...where God wounds Himself through with nails on a cross

and we wear the symbol as beauty." (pg 99)

* Image from The Hunting of the Snark blog.